A few nights ago I was presented with this short reading and it stirred my soul.
I would like to share my thoughts with you and if you are so inclined I would love to know what the piece touches in you
..... "No living being is without interior liquid motion. We all churn inside.
So much held in a heart in a lifetime. So much held in a heart in a day, an hour, a moment. We are utterly open with no one, in the end -- not mother and father, not wife or husband, not lover, not child, not friend. We open windows to each but we live alone in the house of the heart. Perhaps we must. Perhaps we could not bear to be so naked, for fear of a constantly harrowed heart. When young we think there will come one person who will savor and sustain us always; when we are older we know this is the dream of a child, that all hearts finally are bruised and scarred, scored and torn, repaired by time and will, patched by force of character, yet fragile and rickety forevermore, no matter how ferocious the defense and how many bricks you bring to the wall. You can brick up your heart as stout and tight and hard and cold and impregnable as you possibly can and down it comes in an instant, felled by a woman's second glance, a child's apple breath, the shatter of glass in the road, the words I have something to tell you, a cat with a broken spine dragging itself into the forest to die, the brush of your mother's papery ancient hand in a thicket of your hair, the memory of your father's voice early in the morning echoing from the kitchen where he is making pancakes for his children." (from Joyas Voladoras by Brian Doyle)
This link will connect you to the entire selection.
Fortress of the Heart
In yoga
the direction is given
'lead with the heart'
tears come - it is too hard
the fortress is built and my heart is protected
from the pain of possibility
the pain already endured
built that strong fortress
the fortress I want to smash
and
lead with my heart
- the broken bodies shut away
longing for someone to see them
as more than just a broken body
- the girl child being so brave
- braver and more courageous than anyone would ever know
longing for someone/anyone to see her as she is
tired and broken in spirit
always trying to be what she thinks is expected
smashes the sturdy fortress quicker than anything
- my life is a sham - what am I to do - who am I to be or become
- how can I tell him - how will I tell them - what will they say -
- what will happen to me if I tell them the truth of who I am
- how will I live - what will happen when I am no longer here- who will stand in my place - will they still talk to me
I listen with my heart
the pain of another touches my deep life experience
nothing else matters - except to listen and hear
with compassionate care
I have learned
being heard crumbles the sturdy well-built fortress
Just as
the shout out of 'grandma' from Natalie and Nathan
the smell of Samuel's sweet apple breath
when Joshua snuggles into my chest as his eyes begin to close
or Al reaches for my hand and pulls me into his arms
when my son calls just to talk and asks what am I doing
or my daughter-in-law compliments something I have made
the memory of my dad making Sunday breakfast and I again
I smell the pancakes he is cooking
I cry and lead with my heart
afraid of the pain of possibility
I do it anyway
I know -
great pain always couples with great love.
